4 replies to this topic

[Larksan]

So, I have a step father who verbally abuses my brother and I. I used to be able to ignore it because I took therapy that helped me with that, but now it's really getting out of hand. He really talks a lot of shit about us and loudly so we will hear....even in front of my mom. I feel like my mom just lets it be and doesn't do anything about it but when she does they get into arguments that solve nothing, because the next day it starts all over again. He calls us every nasty name in the book, and farts on the door of the room we are in....he farts on the door...seriously? He is like a little kid and I do not know how to deal with this anymore. I'm clueless on what to do. I've been living with this for 8 years and and I want it to stop.

So I came here asking for help or any suggestions of what I can do. :<

[kratos]

Well lets see where i can start. I for one know what you are going through. My father is the same like yours except his is physically abusive sometimes and emotional abusive most of the times. A few tips that i came up with is just to shut down, don't show any emotion, just let him rant on and when he is done walk away or let him walk away and just go back to what you were doing previously. My therapist said that one reason why people do that is because they feel that they are in control. If they can affect how the people around them live their life then whey can control the person themselves. For me i have just became immune to it from dealing with it for over 15 years, but when he starts yelling at my mom i just snap and i get in his face and start yelling and screaming back at him, but yea who knows. I'm not implying that you do that, cuz im not sure how he will take it.

[The Dream]

Dealing with a parents that verbally abuse isn't that easy, I've had to deal with this stuff at home too. I'd say you should ignore it but since it's been going on for that long, that's obviously something you won't be able to do.

The fact that a gown man farts on the door is pretty damn weird. It's starting to sound like he's got a small problem in the head. I've noticed that when people grow older, they start to go dumb in the head. Even at an early age it starts to happen. It's happening to my dad.

Have you ever talked to him about it? Maybe you, your brother and your mother should approach him together and not back down. If your mom talks to him but ends up getting into fights, then maybe you, your brother and your mother should approach him together and avoid fights by talking calmly. Get into his head that he should say such things and tell him that he is, indeed, acting like a little kid.

If it goes on, just keep talking to him. He will start to shout when you talk to him, stay calm when he does. If he starts to act aggressive, don't back down because then he'll notice and turn his verbal abuse in physical abuse. If he hits you guys then you have to call the cops, no matter what.

Hope that's helpful

[Larksan]

don't show any emotion, just let him rant on and when he is done walk away or let him walk away and just go back to what you were doing previously.

I do that and I've been doing that. Doesn't make him stop...

My therapist said that one reason why people do that is because they feel that they are in control

It feels like he is having fun making me miserable >_> control is something I never gave him.

but when he starts yelling at my mom i just snap and i get in his face and start yelling and screaming back at him, but yea who knows. I'm not implying that you do that, cuz im not sure how he will take it.

I have a half sister who he spoils, and seem to does that it our faces to show that we don't have a father >_>
He gives her everything and on Sunday him, my sister, and mom go out to eat with out even thinking of my brother and I. How do you think I feel about that? What the hell do you call that?

I always snap back at him when he is saying stuff to me and it makes him shut up but not for long and he doesn't yell at my mom... he just sometimes insults her and treats her like his maid...

It's starting to sound like he's got a small problem in the head. I've noticed that when people grow older, they start to go dumb in the head. Even at an early age it starts to happen. It's happening to my dad.

Uh....My mom and I actually talked about that and hope it's that but he's still going to work like always and does the same thing everyday. I don't get it...

Have you ever talked to him about it? Maybe you, your brother and your mother should approach him together and not back down. If your mom talks to him but ends up getting into fights, then maybe you, your brother and your mother should approach him together and avoid fights by talking calmly. Get into his head that he should say such things and tell him that he is, indeed, acting like a little kid.

I don't ever talk to him...I don't look at him either. I stay locked in my room and sometimes go days with out crossing paths. I have no reason to talk to him but to shut up him up. I can't bond with a man who wants respect but doesn't give it back. And that whole confronting him together seems weird and he have told him already to stop acting like a little kid.

If it goes on, just keep talking to him. He will start to shout when you talk to him, stay calm when he does.

He never Yells >_> He naturally has a loud voice X_X

If he starts to act aggressive, don't back down because then he'll notice and turn his verbal abuse in physical abuse. If he hits you guys then you have to call the cops, no matter what.

That happened once a long time ago. I think him and my mom where arguing and she just shoved her and stuff...My brother got to mad that he wanted my mom to leave him but....my mom is a type of women that idk....idk idk idk

He came back like nothing happened...



Thanks for your posts but I am not sure it it help or not....just made me think more and bring up the past in my head. Hope for a clue...

[Blade]

It's tough my father use to verbally and physically abuse me when I was little. The best way I dealt with it is to just take the beating and abuse because i knew one day his day will suffer as I have suffered and he will need help from the one person he abused. me. Surely that day came, I did what any good person would do and that is hold my head high and help him out. After that my step father and I became really close. My advice is you're not the only one dealing with it sure verbally abuse is bad but try physical. Hold your head up and his time for need will come.