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Beh. Another one of Dion's rants.


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#1 Dion

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Posted 02 November 2011 - 03:14 PM

I don't know, I'm just really.... I don't know. I have this weird gloomyness that just hangs around my throat all day. I don't know if I'm depressed or just sad, but I'm having weird thoughts. I've noticed I've had a tendency to have suicidal thoughts lately, and I feel lonely all the time, even when I'm around friends. I was walking home today and kept contemplating jumping infront of a speeding car or something. I can't pinpoint the reasons for this, but its been looming around for the past month or so and its getting unbearable. I mean sure, maybe sometimes I cry at night and feel better in the morning, but by the time its afternoon, I find myself in the same state. I'm really not sure what to do. Any help, guys? .-.

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#2 Secret Igshar

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Posted 02 November 2011 - 03:19 PM

Probably early warning signs of depression or something similar. I have similar thoughts about jumping into the street, but it's more of me just laughing at the fake system that is free will. I'm like "Oh I totally could just turn my car off the road right now, but I won't." Sometimes I even try to act on them, but I can never actually do it. Recently it's been more banal things such as seeing a girl drop a pencil and I start thinking I should pick it up and give it back to her, though I know that I won't. Or the other day when I wanted to grab a copy of the Medium but I knew I wouldn't, and I spent the trek to the bus stop contemplating what could have been in the paper I missed out on.

But um, seriously, you might consider talking to an expert to see what they think about it. I'm pretty sure it's the signs of clinical depression, so it's really something you should probably take seriously.

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#3 Dion

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Posted 02 November 2011 - 03:27 PM

Probably early warning signs of depression or something similar. I have similar thoughts about jumping into the street, but it's more of me just laughing at the fake system that is free will. I'm like "Oh I totally could just turn my car off the road right now, but I won't." Sometimes I even try to act on them, but I can never actually do it. Recently it's been more banal things such as seeing a girl drop a pencil and I start thinking I should pick it up and give it back to her, though I know that I won't. Or the other day when I wanted to grab a copy of the Medium but I knew I wouldn't, and I spent the trek to the bus stop contemplating what could have been in the paper I missed out on.

But um, seriously, you might consider talking to an expert to see what they think about it. I'm pretty sure it's the signs of clinical depression, so it's really something you should probably take seriously.



I have considered talking to a therapist, but I'm not sure exactly how that would help much... I can't tell if its serious enough to take to that point. I mean, I don't have trouble concentrating on things, but just as soon as my mind is empty, I feel the whole thing return. Since I'm sure depression involves not being being able to concentrate at all with anything, as such, the feeling would be around all the time. So I don't know...

I forgot to mention, I'm also experiencing a loss of appetite. :/

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#4 Dexel Hydagara

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Posted 02 November 2011 - 03:35 PM

Ooh, boy, aren't we having fun? I get the same tingle and thought every time I see a knife, mate, and many a car have tempted me. I daresay I've even been tempted by circling fans, a length of rope, a blowtorch, etc. Mostly in the same manner as Iggy, but sometimes it just comes out of the left field unprovoked.

Anyways, this does sound a heck of a lot like depression. If you truly have no immediate source of stress and don't surpress you're emotions on a daily process and indeed live quite the social life as you state you do, it's time to see a doc.

And loss of appetite comes quite naturally with depression. As for you not having trouble concentrating on things, well, I'm not sure what to say to that. Could very well depend on the individual, but usually, once you start getting busy with something, you shuffle other thoughts off to the side and sometimes you only think about something when you experience some sort of stimuli you somehow related to the thought. You sure you don't have to put up with lots of crap from your parents/peers without being able to say something back, expressing your utter contempt for them, or stuff like that? Emotions can fester up quite easily if you have to do so and you could just need to vent. Or maybe you just, for whatever reason, have come to doubt yourself as an individual recently. No offense meant, it happens to the best of us sometimes.

I have more I feel I want to say or get around to, but not really being one in a position to diagnose anyone yet, I'll ward off those poorly thought comments and recommend seeing an expert even if you feel it isn't that serious. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Well, it is in most cases, anyhow.

Edited by Dexel, 02 November 2011 - 03:45 PM.

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#5 Sodomize-it Soro

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Posted 02 November 2011 - 03:37 PM

Sounds like a major depressive episode to me. Everything you've listed is a symptom. Though, I don't think it's really classified as an episode until you've continually experienced these symptoms for at least two weeks. I'd go ahead and see a psychiatrist or a psychologist.

#6 Lady Sutella

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Posted 02 November 2011 - 03:38 PM

You need to talk to someone about it, even if you don't have those thoughts constantly. Suicidal people don't necessarily think of committing suicide constantly, they think about it a lot but not necessarily constantly, usually something bad that happened that day is what triggers that sort of thinking. And even without suicidal thoughts, maybe just having bad thoughts in general, just because you don't think of them constantly it doesn't mean that you're not suffering from depression. I know about that myself, I've never been suicidal or even just had suicidal thoughts but I have suffered from depression before. You should try talking to someone and see if they can help you before it gets worse.

#7 Xanius

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Posted 02 November 2011 - 03:54 PM

Honestly, I know a few things about whats going on in your life. All of that can easily cause a lot of depression. I'd say talk to someone about it, someone at school perhaps? A very close friend irl that you can talk to and help you through this? You really do need to talk to someone. If you bottle it up, it'll only cause more problems later on. I know it's very sad and it sucks. But.. I do believe that if you open up and say everything to someone you'll feel a huge weight off of you. We are here for you Dion, remember that. So come here and rant whenever you want. It feels good to just scream things out sometimes right?

The thing that worries me is your lack of appetite. If you start to not eat things, you'll get an imbalance in a ton of levels. I'd prefer if it you try to eat very healthy things with a lot of vitamins and such. Get nutrients in your body. Keep yourself hydrated. Depression can lead to death without you taking something to your body. If left unchecked for too long it can go as far as what happened to me. Gallstones, blockages to your heart, which can lead to death if not treated fast.

So eat healthy things, try running and exercising a bit. Talk to someone, do things that make you happy and stay away from stress as much as possible. If people start arguing, don't argue back with them. Just let them win and move along.

The crying at night thing is fine btw, Don't feel as if that's something to be ashamed of at all. Don't hide the fact that you do either. Don't hide anything you think is embarrassing. If it helps you out with all of this, Do it. Even if it's having a damn tea party with stuffed animals. If it puts a smile on your face and gives you even a moments worth of joy do it. Life is too short to get caught up in depression and stay depressed for a long time. So get professional help if you think you really need it, but take care of yourself mentally as well as physically, both are just as important right now for you. Any kind of imbalance in your body can through a lot of things off. You might not be making enough of a certain hormone, enzymes or such. Not producing enough adrenaline from your adrenal gland can also cause a lot of the problems you're having too. =/ I know from personal experience.

Take care my friend, we're here for you okay? Come back anytime and we'll listen. We might not all get along at times, or much at all. But we're all still friends. We all still care, why else would we still care and put up with the shit we do to each other you know? We're one big messed up family that I'll always love. So don't ever feel like you can't come here and talk.

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#8 Rubicante

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Posted 02 November 2011 - 04:01 PM

In the same boat mate but I won't go see anyone about it figure it's my problem besides don't got the money for one. My problems stem from stress I know though. If you're just stressing out and it making you lose hope and stuff it's best to just try and take a good few days to do whatever typically relaxes you. But since idk what could have caused it to manifest in you I can't help you too much other than you know I'm here for you Dino ol buddy if you need to talk or anything.

#9 Dion

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Posted 02 November 2011 - 04:19 PM

Thanks for all the feedback, guys. I really appreciate it.

And I know I just need to get things off my chest, but I don't know if I have anyone I feel close enough to talk to like that... Half my friends, I feel don't take me seriously. I've even been called a "drama queen" whenever I bring up the subject of my condition, so I really don't think that talking to any of them will help, what with their lack of concern and not... So yeah... I'm tired of keeping this happy go around attitude where I'm just indifferent and generally happy. I just feel like no one quite understands me =_=

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#10 Xanius

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Posted 02 November 2011 - 04:27 PM

You don't have to feel that way. You might not see us all as close friends, but take a look. Look at all the posts that have been made in this thread alone with advice and saying things towards you. No one is saying anything of you being a drama queen or anything of the like. So be at ease and talk with us if you really want to. It's up to you my friend, we will not complain, we want to help you any way we can. Just know that.

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#11 Dion

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Posted 02 November 2011 - 06:55 PM

Yeah, Kai, I understand that. And I appreciate it greatly. Its just that (and not to be a dick) its not the same as having someone irl that's actually there for you.

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#12 Guest_Griever_*

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Posted 03 November 2011 - 12:27 AM

Every bit helps tho Dino. It isn't much but at least you can unload off on us. I'll try and give it some more thought as to what I can do from here. I went to sleep directly after. *was running on 32 hours of fume.* But I was thinking about some of that stuff while I slept. I will help out anyway I can.