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#1 Epic

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 05:49 PM

My father put me in a very awkward position. The guy I refer to as my "dad" around here is actually my stepfather. Just so we're clear, the father that put me in a very awkward position is my biological father. Not my stepfather. Kay? Kay.

Before I reveal my position, I should educate you in exactly who my father is.

Short version;
He's a deadbeat drunk that never spends any time with me unless I have something he wants.

Long version;
My father never took an interest in me, according to my mother. He was a huge gamer and drinker and that was all he did all day. When I was five, my father revealed to my mother that he was having an affair with a woman over the internet. My mother wanted to keep the family together, but my father chose his mistress over fatherhood. After my father moved out, he lived in a motel for a time. My mother pretty much forced him to spend time with me. Every time I saw him, as far as I can remember, he was drunk. Drunk or hung over. He never abused me physically or sexually, but he did verbally abuse me a lot. After a short time, he moved into a nice house in Texas. (Bought with his mistress's money) We lost our house and moved in with my grandparents. The court forced my father to pay child support for my brother and me. On top of that, I guess to not seem like a dick, he allowed us to visit every summer. I really had no interest in going, but my mother wanted me to have a good relationship with the jackass, so I went. This went on until I was 17. SSDD. Then, he stopped paying child support. THAT was the last straw. I put up with his shit for years, but that did it. He wants to play the "pretend I don't exist" game? I can play just as hard as he can.



Now, on to my problem. My mother has been going through the courts to make him pay child support on my sister and to pay the $5000 he owes my mother. He and her had a phone conference and the fact that I got married and had a child came up. Suddenly, he takes an interest in my life. He calls me. I kept the conversation short, but he started with how he was sorry for everything, and how he wanted to be apart of my life and blahblahblah. He wanted to see his granddaughter. Genesis. When he asked her name, I told him. When he asked my wife's name, I told him. Called him "Kurt," not dad. (As far as i'm concerned, Mark, my step dad, is my real dad) But the main topic of conversation was how he wanted to see Genesis. I asked him why I should let him see her, why I should even be talking to him. He went on with more of his empty apologies. Anyway, I told him that I would think about it. I thought.

Genesis is his biological granddaughter. Isn't it his right to see her?

Does he even deserve to see her?

Am I punishing him when I should be forgiving him?


I just don't know what to do. Tori said she would follow whatever I decide, my friends are, of course, no help. They never take anything seriously. (I love those D-Bags to death)

So, you guys are all I have left. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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#2 Blade

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 06:12 PM

Yes he has a right to see her, People make mistakes, I know this first hand. I knew an physically abusive dad who changed his way for the better, I couldn't believe how nicely he changed.

You should be the bigger person and forgive him and try and give him one last chance. People do change no matter how bad they are. If he really wants to see Genesis you and your wife, go over and see how he is. If he's a changed man then great...if not then you have your answer.

#3 Secret Igshar

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 06:18 PM

Reading what all you said as background here, I find it hard to believe the guy is genuinely remorseful. Like, he wants nothing to do with you, to the point that he's simply not paying child support, but now he knows you have a family of your own, he wants in?

If you're actually okay with him meeting your daughter, you need to do it on your terms. In that situation, I would never fly out to texas just to see this guy who probably doesn't actually give a damn. Make him come to you.


All things considered on whether or not he deserves it, I really do agree with Blade. Despite the shit he's done, I do think it's the right thing to do to let him see his granddaughter.

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#4 Shino

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 06:34 PM

I say no. He doesn't have the right to see his granddaughter. He hasn't earned the right and apologizing out of the blue is like a ticket. He didn't care to be involved in your life beforehand so why now? Why did it have to take a child being born for him to actually want to be in your life again? It's just wrong.
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#5 Lexaeus

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 07:01 PM

Repair what is broken. At some point, if he's genuinely remorseful, he might actually hurt more than you. Why not have two dads?

Iggy has a good plan with the make him come to you idea.

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#6 The Dream

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 09:57 PM

I'd go with what Iggy said. I'd be weary around him though and you can't give him your full on trust. He's the biological grandfather so I can see why he'd want to see Gen. To be honest though I think he probably has more reason to be around you other than Gen. It can be a genuine want to see he granddaughter but since that's how your dad is you might as well stay on your toes and see if he wants more than just to see his granddaughter.

Everyone is saying you should try to repair that bond with your dad and let him see Gen, I agree but be a little skeptical with the things he says and does.

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#7 Epic

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 07:26 AM

I thought over everything you guys said. I decided to go with iggy. If he really wants to see her so bad, he can come to her.

I don't trust him, so believe me when I say i'm going to watch him like a hawk.


I'll call him when I get home. Thanks for the help. I love you guys. <3

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“Take the risk of thinking for yourself. Much more happiness, truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way. I promise."

- Christopher Hitchens